I can't believe I forgot to post this. This is probably the most hard worked for achievement (apart from my son of course) that I've ever attained and I didn't even say anything about it.
I got a FIRST!
For those people reading (if there are any) in places outside the UK that don't have the same qualification structure, I'll explain.
I've just completed my University degree. With honours. Which means you've got to do a little extra work to get it. The bit 'First Class Honours' is my score. What this means is, that not only did I not get a degree, but I passed it with the highest pass mark going!!!
Now what do you think of that? I'll tell you what I thought. I was crying, and laughing and going through disbelief and shock and a feeling of sudden wonderment. I offered my thanks to all the forces of the universe and my own powers of determination.
Hooray me. This is the culmination of a few years very hard work, in rather difficult circumstances. (Did I mention the EX even took the CAT from me!? - see previous moany posts!)
I went out to dinner. I got a pair of shoes, and a necklace, and a £100 and some fantastic cards of 'well-done-ness' (that's not a word I'm making that up!).
As I have already tackled (hopefully) my next goal which was to get a job (see post right before this one). My next objective is to find some publishers that will think my poetry is worth reading (and maybe win the lottery - gotta keep the goals high right?!).
So how about that.
A reflection, because I have been very reflective of late...
I have persevered, when my home and personal life came crashing down around me through no fault of my own. I've wanted to give up. I've cried and got angry. I was thrown into life as a single mother. Money has been incredibly tight, sometimes non-existent and the obstacles that have come my way have been crazy. When I look back, I'm not at all sure how I managed any of this. I'm not sure why I didn't crumble, why I didn't just run for the hills, or a high bridge at times even. However... I am living proof, to myself if to no other, that hard work and diligence and a little bit of belief, even wavering belief, DOES PAY OFF in the end. That your aims are there for the taking, if only you'll keep striving for them. So... no matter what, keep trying, just keep on trying.
That's all for now folks.
Saturday 26 July 2014
Subject to references & checks!
Well, as luck and the wheel of fortune would have it, I got a call today. The organisation that I'd attended interview one with, phoned me all morning.
I heard the words S--- from C------ calling, and then,
'I will put you out of your misery...'
At this point I was thinking that she was going to say 'Thank so for attending your interview but on this occasion you were unsuccessful however we will keep you in mind for further positions'
But she didn't say that.....
She didn't say that!!!
She said,
'We were very convinced by you, and we saw that you really wanted the job, so we'd like to offer it to you subject to references and checks!'
I could have squealed, I could have jumped right down the phone and hugged her right then and there. I felt more than elated... I'm off on Monday to meet some more of the residents and staff involved and I truly truly have never ever wanted Monday to come so quickly.
It is a fantastic feeling to be told that someone is going to give you a go. That they see something in you, something that you've worked hard for, especially after you felt you didn't portray your skills in the best of lights at the interview. But perhaps we all think that.
It has given me such a boost just to hear those words. I am going to stop being a student single mother on benefits and I am going back to work after 7 years and it feels like the most fantastic feeling going. We humans, I believe, need something to strive for, something to give us purpose. I am a very driven wee human being and I can't wait to get stuck in. I am going to love it, I just know I am. The people seemed so fantastic, and for years I've been wanting to do something like this.
Interestingly, or not, I went to see a fortune teller (well tarot reader) last week at my friend's house. My mate organises these things because she loves for other people to tell her what to do in life. I just went along for the fun of it. I'd never seen anyone like this before. The reading I got didn't disappoint me at all. I was truly, amazed at how accurate some bits were, things she just couldn't have known at all. She was no mysticy-moo from outer space or anything but a very nice, slightly eccentric but ordinary lady. One of the things she said 'I can see a contract, a legal document being signed'. I thought nothing of this. Until later she asked me if I was job hunting. Which of course I am, or was... (yey yey) and she said she saw me going for a job that would provide me with personal satisfaction. Not only that, but that i'd get that job. Strange, but true! She said a whole host of other things too of course, however, this is what strikes me today as very lovely and wonderful. Whether or not you believe in that sort of thing, when things go right and you get a little bit of hope, the world always looks sunnier.
Strangely enough the weather has been gloriously sunny all of this week too. How about that for a good week.
I am now nearly employed.
What a feeling!
I heard the words S--- from C------ calling, and then,
'I will put you out of your misery...'
At this point I was thinking that she was going to say 'Thank so for attending your interview but on this occasion you were unsuccessful however we will keep you in mind for further positions'
But she didn't say that.....
She didn't say that!!!
She said,
'We were very convinced by you, and we saw that you really wanted the job, so we'd like to offer it to you subject to references and checks!'
I could have squealed, I could have jumped right down the phone and hugged her right then and there. I felt more than elated... I'm off on Monday to meet some more of the residents and staff involved and I truly truly have never ever wanted Monday to come so quickly.
It is a fantastic feeling to be told that someone is going to give you a go. That they see something in you, something that you've worked hard for, especially after you felt you didn't portray your skills in the best of lights at the interview. But perhaps we all think that.
It has given me such a boost just to hear those words. I am going to stop being a student single mother on benefits and I am going back to work after 7 years and it feels like the most fantastic feeling going. We humans, I believe, need something to strive for, something to give us purpose. I am a very driven wee human being and I can't wait to get stuck in. I am going to love it, I just know I am. The people seemed so fantastic, and for years I've been wanting to do something like this.
Interestingly, or not, I went to see a fortune teller (well tarot reader) last week at my friend's house. My mate organises these things because she loves for other people to tell her what to do in life. I just went along for the fun of it. I'd never seen anyone like this before. The reading I got didn't disappoint me at all. I was truly, amazed at how accurate some bits were, things she just couldn't have known at all. She was no mysticy-moo from outer space or anything but a very nice, slightly eccentric but ordinary lady. One of the things she said 'I can see a contract, a legal document being signed'. I thought nothing of this. Until later she asked me if I was job hunting. Which of course I am, or was... (yey yey) and she said she saw me going for a job that would provide me with personal satisfaction. Not only that, but that i'd get that job. Strange, but true! She said a whole host of other things too of course, however, this is what strikes me today as very lovely and wonderful. Whether or not you believe in that sort of thing, when things go right and you get a little bit of hope, the world always looks sunnier.
Strangely enough the weather has been gloriously sunny all of this week too. How about that for a good week.
I am now nearly employed.
What a feeling!
Friday 25 July 2014
Interview number 3
I feel like i'm getting worse at interviews. I leave convinced I'm not going to get the job and with a thousand things that I should have said running in my mind. Interview number one I messed up completely, I hadn't done my research and I was nervous and let myself get overwhelmed instead of selling my skills. Interview number two - well I felt like I did really well at this interview and the feedback that I asked for afterwards was very vague. I got the impression throughout the interview (because they asked in at least three different ways about my future plans and why a person with a degree would be going for a receptionist job) that they felt like I was over qualified. Seeing as the feedback said that 'another candidate had more experience in the area' and - as it was typing a couple of documents and answering the phone - which quite frankly I could do standing on my head I feel like it was a bull**** reason. Oh well. I hope the person they hire quits in a month and they have to rehire and rehire (sorry a bit of bitterness lol).
So interview number three was for a job that I really really would like. I think it would suit me down to the ground, it's varied and friendly and in the kind of community caring setting that I like. The admin role would be varied and involved. I like being busy and I love challenges so that for a start is definitely up my street. I also do want to work for an employer that allows me to feel like I am being truly useful and helpful to the community in some way. I'm not all about the money - money is great of course (and there's nothing wrong with being business and profits minded) but it's not what inspires me. So I went along to the interview last monday and came out and have felt super depressed ever since. I felt like it went ok-ish, I mean I was friendly and chatty and approachable, which seemed like it would suit the setting. I told the two ladies about my work background and my interests. I made sure I tackled the job description, flexibility and drive and able to work with distraction. But.... I just have a very negative feeling, they said that the candidates would be contacted by the end of the week, and as the week has gone by without a phonecall or an e-mail i'm pretty convinced that either tomorrow or Saturday there will be a letter lying on my mat that says - thanks but we didn't pick you.
It's very depressing and difficult to keep an open mind and a positive attitude. The job market sucks for a start - and I need part time, which is another factor. Here in Northern Ireland you've got to fill in application forms constantly, the only people that accept CVs are small businesses, which is totally annoying because you're constantly writing so much and putting hours of work into these application forms to get a 'sorry but no' reply or to get no reply at all. Then if you're lucky enough to be selected for interview - no one wants to give you a shot. Every job wants a huge amount of experience and you're expected to be an expert in everything. No one looks and things, you know, she's kind of smart and she wants the job - she'll work hard lets give her a shot.
Soul destroying. The only option is to push onward but it really gets a person down, very down. Everyone makes it so difficult to get a job that I can see why people settle for being on benefits. I have a work ethic but it's such a depressing series of rejections that it's tempting not to bother.
We'll see what happens. I have two more applications to fill in this weekend... I'd say watch this space or something to that effect but I feel like you would be watching for so long that your eyes would burn up!
So interview number three was for a job that I really really would like. I think it would suit me down to the ground, it's varied and friendly and in the kind of community caring setting that I like. The admin role would be varied and involved. I like being busy and I love challenges so that for a start is definitely up my street. I also do want to work for an employer that allows me to feel like I am being truly useful and helpful to the community in some way. I'm not all about the money - money is great of course (and there's nothing wrong with being business and profits minded) but it's not what inspires me. So I went along to the interview last monday and came out and have felt super depressed ever since. I felt like it went ok-ish, I mean I was friendly and chatty and approachable, which seemed like it would suit the setting. I told the two ladies about my work background and my interests. I made sure I tackled the job description, flexibility and drive and able to work with distraction. But.... I just have a very negative feeling, they said that the candidates would be contacted by the end of the week, and as the week has gone by without a phonecall or an e-mail i'm pretty convinced that either tomorrow or Saturday there will be a letter lying on my mat that says - thanks but we didn't pick you.
It's very depressing and difficult to keep an open mind and a positive attitude. The job market sucks for a start - and I need part time, which is another factor. Here in Northern Ireland you've got to fill in application forms constantly, the only people that accept CVs are small businesses, which is totally annoying because you're constantly writing so much and putting hours of work into these application forms to get a 'sorry but no' reply or to get no reply at all. Then if you're lucky enough to be selected for interview - no one wants to give you a shot. Every job wants a huge amount of experience and you're expected to be an expert in everything. No one looks and things, you know, she's kind of smart and she wants the job - she'll work hard lets give her a shot.
Soul destroying. The only option is to push onward but it really gets a person down, very down. Everyone makes it so difficult to get a job that I can see why people settle for being on benefits. I have a work ethic but it's such a depressing series of rejections that it's tempting not to bother.
We'll see what happens. I have two more applications to fill in this weekend... I'd say watch this space or something to that effect but I feel like you would be watching for so long that your eyes would burn up!
Tuesday 17 June 2014
I got 99 problems but my CV ain't one? Or maybe it is?
I was doing a lot of reading over the weekend. There were a few things that I discovered about CVs. Mine clearly (according to the majority of advice) was too long at three pages (not my fault I've got a lot of qualifications ;) j/k). I had no idea that a long CV was looked at like a cardinal sin. (Can I just add that my Personal Adviser in the Jobs & Benefits Office has had a copy of my CV before and never gave any hints or tips as to how it should be revised).
So I began the process of editing it down and redoing the CV so that I had a few different versions. One version was a short, nippy one for legal and highly professional job applications. Another version is long, not to be sent out but listing all the different things I've done so that I can refer to it when writing statements or covering letters. The third one is a more creative, community based one which is for those kind of jobs.
Right, now... just to find some part-time jobs. There was very little added today, bit depressing really. On the flipside, being unemployed has it's merits today, in that I got to sit outside this afternoon and read a book. The temperature was lush and hot hot hot and I got roasted! (Too bad it rains 2/3 of the time!)
So I began the process of editing it down and redoing the CV so that I had a few different versions. One version was a short, nippy one for legal and highly professional job applications. Another version is long, not to be sent out but listing all the different things I've done so that I can refer to it when writing statements or covering letters. The third one is a more creative, community based one which is for those kind of jobs.
Right, now... just to find some part-time jobs. There was very little added today, bit depressing really. On the flipside, being unemployed has it's merits today, in that I got to sit outside this afternoon and read a book. The temperature was lush and hot hot hot and I got roasted! (Too bad it rains 2/3 of the time!)
Monday 9 June 2014
What the Jobs and Benefits Office does not do....
So last week I had been looking through some job advertisements and I saw that many of them needed OCR. I can type, I've been writing academic essays for years now, I am quick on the keyboard and I have good grammar and punctuation. Let's be honest too, if you're writing a letter say and need a template - its not difficult to google the template, copy it and produce a perfectly professional letter.
However, they said the needed these qualifications, so I thought ok, I'll get them.
I thought, the Jobs & Benefits Office can offer different courses to people with their work schemes, I'll try them. They only had two numbers, a Benefits Helpline and an Employment Helpline. Neither of which were suitable because they didn't deal with enquiries. I tried the Benefits Helpline, the devil in me said I was getting through somehow, no matter what. But, when I finally got through to the automated system, it took all my details, rang for a while and then just said 'all our operators are busy, please try later' and disconnected me!!! I was furious.
Then, I tried the Northern Ireland Careers Office for help. I couldn't get someone on the phone initially. In fact the receptionist was incredibly rude and stopped me mid-sentence when I was trying to explain exactly what I needed. They eventually took a message and said that someone would ring me back and discuss my options, so I said OK.
Not satisfied because I didn't have an answer, I persevered and went digging through my files.
I finally found a piece of paper (which I just happened to have kept) that related to a work focused interview and found the number of the local office. This number was in fact only to rearrange date/time of the interview in case the time offered didn't suit. However I thought, I'm calling this and I'm going to get through.
When I rang my Personal Adviser, she informed me that they DO NOT offer anything like this. She said I would have to try a different skills provider. Now, in all fairness my personal adviser checked my options with the local skills provider - but they didn't do those courses either. She said I'd have to try the college and just pay for it.
Here I am, trying to make myself better skilled to get a job and out of the benefits system and the JOBS AND BENEFITS OFFICE WONT/CANT HELP!!! Absolutely useless. What are they actually there for? I thought they were there to HELP you find a job, not just make you explain why you haven't yet found one? Clearly I was wrong.
Anyway, I carried on. Tenacious as I am. I tried searching for course providers. Belfast Met College was providing a course, but this was going to be £60 at the reduced rate!
Now, I'm looking for a job. I'm on benefits. I just don't have £60 to throw about willy nilly.
I went back to google, and kept searching until I found a little community training provider called The Sandy Row IT Project - here, http://www.bscr.co.uk/projects/49-sandy-row-it-project.html . I got talking to a super duper helpful guy called Jim. He said... I can sort that out for you no problem. He had a date and a time within seconds. It restored my faith, he really restored my faith. I have to make you understand. It took a small community based training centre to provide me what I needed, the government wouldn't, job centre wouldn't, careers service wouldn't help me, the college asked for too much money.
It is only through sheer obstinate perseverance that I could find what I needed. But not everyone has the power, resources or drive to do this. It should be made much much simpler for a person to find and access what they need. The government really let me down. It is probably letting people, in situations like myself, down all the time. If they need us to get a job, and we are trying to get a job - then they should be much better equipped to help us.
However, they said the needed these qualifications, so I thought ok, I'll get them.
I thought, the Jobs & Benefits Office can offer different courses to people with their work schemes, I'll try them. They only had two numbers, a Benefits Helpline and an Employment Helpline. Neither of which were suitable because they didn't deal with enquiries. I tried the Benefits Helpline, the devil in me said I was getting through somehow, no matter what. But, when I finally got through to the automated system, it took all my details, rang for a while and then just said 'all our operators are busy, please try later' and disconnected me!!! I was furious.
Then, I tried the Northern Ireland Careers Office for help. I couldn't get someone on the phone initially. In fact the receptionist was incredibly rude and stopped me mid-sentence when I was trying to explain exactly what I needed. They eventually took a message and said that someone would ring me back and discuss my options, so I said OK.
Not satisfied because I didn't have an answer, I persevered and went digging through my files.
I finally found a piece of paper (which I just happened to have kept) that related to a work focused interview and found the number of the local office. This number was in fact only to rearrange date/time of the interview in case the time offered didn't suit. However I thought, I'm calling this and I'm going to get through.
When I rang my Personal Adviser, she informed me that they DO NOT offer anything like this. She said I would have to try a different skills provider. Now, in all fairness my personal adviser checked my options with the local skills provider - but they didn't do those courses either. She said I'd have to try the college and just pay for it.
Here I am, trying to make myself better skilled to get a job and out of the benefits system and the JOBS AND BENEFITS OFFICE WONT/CANT HELP!!! Absolutely useless. What are they actually there for? I thought they were there to HELP you find a job, not just make you explain why you haven't yet found one? Clearly I was wrong.
Anyway, I carried on. Tenacious as I am. I tried searching for course providers. Belfast Met College was providing a course, but this was going to be £60 at the reduced rate!
Now, I'm looking for a job. I'm on benefits. I just don't have £60 to throw about willy nilly.
I went back to google, and kept searching until I found a little community training provider called The Sandy Row IT Project - here, http://www.bscr.co.uk/projects/49-sandy-row-it-project.html . I got talking to a super duper helpful guy called Jim. He said... I can sort that out for you no problem. He had a date and a time within seconds. It restored my faith, he really restored my faith. I have to make you understand. It took a small community based training centre to provide me what I needed, the government wouldn't, job centre wouldn't, careers service wouldn't help me, the college asked for too much money.
It is only through sheer obstinate perseverance that I could find what I needed. But not everyone has the power, resources or drive to do this. It should be made much much simpler for a person to find and access what they need. The government really let me down. It is probably letting people, in situations like myself, down all the time. If they need us to get a job, and we are trying to get a job - then they should be much better equipped to help us.
Driving rant.
I don't drive. I don't particularly want to drive. Of course - it's nice to be able to go on day trips without travel planning, and it would be lovely not to have to lug (drag) bags of heavy shopping up the hill from the local Tesco.
But, walking everywhere and not driving keeps me fit. I really do walk everywhere. I think nothing of a couple of miles. In fact, walking is something that gives me a zen feeling. Earphones in, tunes on, the rhythm of the steps and pace. It's relaxing.
So what's my point, well... I'm job hunting. Nearly every job I want wants me to have a driving license. It is beginning to make me crack up!
Sometimes I wonder how society actually got anywhere without wheels. Lately, it feels like you're nothing unless you can drive.
Now here's trap No. 1.
I look at a job advertisement. I really think I've got a chance. I've got all the experience, the qualifications and I could really make a difference in this kind of role.
Then I read on...
The advertisement/job description says 'must have full driving license and access to a vehicle'.
I think.... F*&&$^%%&%& sake.
For a start - what is the problem with someone taking the bus to go places? Or a taxi? I mean there are other modes of transport.
Secondly, I could get my driving license but this requires...
Money for lessons
Money for test
Money to buy a car
Money for road tax
Money for insurance
Money for MOT
I need a job, to get the money, to do the driving... can't get a job because they want a driver's license.... can't get a license because I don't have the money, I don't have the money because I have no job, can't get a job...... etc... and so it goes on.
(Just so that you know - I'm not going for 'driving' jobs... these are normal office jobs that require licenses!!!)
As an aside, our UK government is going on and on about pollution, being green and being kind to the environment, how there are too many cars on our roads.... So why is it then that nearly everything a person wants to do requires a bloody license?!
So annoying....
Still onwards and onwards. Upwards I'll have to wait for.... clearly!
But, walking everywhere and not driving keeps me fit. I really do walk everywhere. I think nothing of a couple of miles. In fact, walking is something that gives me a zen feeling. Earphones in, tunes on, the rhythm of the steps and pace. It's relaxing.
So what's my point, well... I'm job hunting. Nearly every job I want wants me to have a driving license. It is beginning to make me crack up!
Sometimes I wonder how society actually got anywhere without wheels. Lately, it feels like you're nothing unless you can drive.
Now here's trap No. 1.
I look at a job advertisement. I really think I've got a chance. I've got all the experience, the qualifications and I could really make a difference in this kind of role.
Then I read on...
The advertisement/job description says 'must have full driving license and access to a vehicle'.
I think.... F*&&$^%%&%& sake.
For a start - what is the problem with someone taking the bus to go places? Or a taxi? I mean there are other modes of transport.
Secondly, I could get my driving license but this requires...
Money for lessons
Money for test
Money to buy a car
Money for road tax
Money for insurance
Money for MOT
I need a job, to get the money, to do the driving... can't get a job because they want a driver's license.... can't get a license because I don't have the money, I don't have the money because I have no job, can't get a job...... etc... and so it goes on.
(Just so that you know - I'm not going for 'driving' jobs... these are normal office jobs that require licenses!!!)
As an aside, our UK government is going on and on about pollution, being green and being kind to the environment, how there are too many cars on our roads.... So why is it then that nearly everything a person wants to do requires a bloody license?!
So annoying....
Still onwards and onwards. Upwards I'll have to wait for.... clearly!
Bringing it all up to date
To bring it all up to date now,
So, it's now 2014 and on Thursday 29 May I finished the last part of the Creative Writing module, and that means I've done the very last part of my degree. So now what exactly?
I've been dying to get a job, for ages actually, I'm sick of people asking the question "what do you do for a living?" and not being able to respond to it with any kind of useful answer. Leaves you feeling so useless and so dependent. My mum says, that being a mother is valuable, however society, the government, the media - whom ever you want to blame has us all trained to think of single parents who don't work as lazy, good for nothings whose only goal is to scab from the state.
Of course, there are people whose goal is to scab from the state, but honestly it is not a life I'd chose. Let me provide some realities. Aside from the obvious, there's only so much Jeremy Kyle that one person can watch without actually feeling their brain start to dribble out of their ears, there are major disadvantages to being on benefits.
1. You must provide your personal details in order to get help
Of course, I understand that the government - if they are going to give you assistance - are entitled to know that you actually deserve it. Take the form for Income Support for example, you have to give any benefits you are receiving, you provide details about yourself, your child(ren), any savings, any debts... the list goes on. To fill in those forms, which take forever, is soul destroying. I hope that I never ever have to do it again.
2. You don't have enough to have a good quality of life, you are given only enough to get by.
Now, I understand the reaction that most tax payers (bearing in mind I paid tax too, working from the age of 16) will have, why should you have any kind of treats if you don't work hard for them. I agree - for the most part. However, it has been eight years since I have had a holiday. Every single pair of shoes, or pair of jeans has to be essential because if I buy something like that then something else has to give way. I need to justify it. I have only been on income support for two years, whilst I've been studying, and I can assure you that I can't even afford to get my son Christmas presents without incurring a debt on my credit card. It is now June and I still haven't fully covered my debt because other things have been needed. To be fair, I'm good with my money and when I need to I can seriously cut-back in order to get myself on track.
3. If something collapses, everything else could fall down, just like dominoes.
So, I live in a small two-bedroom flat, exactly according to the rules that NIHE (Housing Benefit) dictates. I have no furniture to my name except a TV and my son's bed! It's just me and my little boy here - no one else lives in my house. However, recently some callous piece-of-work decided to tell the Jobs & Benefits Office that I was living here with someone else!!!! They rang me and asked if I had anyone else living here - I said no. They asked that question, three different ways. Of course, each time the answer was no. Then I was sent the long form to fill in again, even though I'd done nothing wrong. I was so worried they'd stop my benefits and I'd begin incurring debts - it had me panicking for weeks. They never even had the courtesy to send me a notification to say that the 'Fraud Investigation Department' (the dept. I'd had to send the form to) had investigated and found nothing. There was no apology for wrongful suspicion. No confirmation that my benefits were not going to be stopped. As the money was not stopped and clearly they had nothing to investigate, I should just be grateful that nothing negative occurred however, the worry was horrible. This is what living dependent on the state is like. If they decided to stop paying you, for any reason - your in the creek.
4. Lack of financial autonomy or security.
You can't do overtime when you need something, if you wanted anything out of the ordinary - you'd have to apply for a Budgeting Loan or Crisis Loan, which has to be paid back by monthly installments from your allowance. Of course, as your allowance is only enough to live on, this isn't really an option unless it's completely necessary. If an unexpected expense (or even an expected one sometimes) crops up, you are really not in a position to deal with it, and there's very little you can do in the short-term to help your situation.
5. The longer it goes on, the harder is seems to get a job
I'll do what I call the 'Benefits/Job Trap' in more detail in another post. Suffice to say though, that when you have a job it's easier to get another. When you don't have a job - sometimes it seems like no matter what you do, you can't seem to find something that'll work - especially in the current economic climate, with fewer options. This will be explored more later.
6. Strips you of self worth
In a continuation of all of the above, being on benefits has certainly left me lacking in confidence and feeling useless. Sometimes I want to scream, I want to say 'I didn't just sit in front of the TV for years - I've been furthering my skills - I chose to study subjects I didn't necessarily like but thought would be relevant - I have worked really hard, juggling looking after a young child, and moving house and relationship breakdown and still kept studying and you beggars aren't crying out for someone like me to work for your company?! Doesn't this prove I'm driven? Doesn't this prove I will try and try and not give up? Doesn't this show I'm not adverse to further training? How come I am not the kind of person that employers want?! I know this sounds like a moan. It probably is a moan!
It's not that I think that people who are not earning and out working hard should get a silver spoon, or a bunch of treats. I suppose I'm writing this to give the other side of the story. Programmes like Benefit's Street and the likes, show the worst kind of person who relies on benefits. Of course those people are indeed out there and exploiting the system. The majority of people however would rather not be in this predicament. I, would not like to be in this predicament anymore.
So... on with the job hunting.
So, it's now 2014 and on Thursday 29 May I finished the last part of the Creative Writing module, and that means I've done the very last part of my degree. So now what exactly?
I've been dying to get a job, for ages actually, I'm sick of people asking the question "what do you do for a living?" and not being able to respond to it with any kind of useful answer. Leaves you feeling so useless and so dependent. My mum says, that being a mother is valuable, however society, the government, the media - whom ever you want to blame has us all trained to think of single parents who don't work as lazy, good for nothings whose only goal is to scab from the state.
Of course, there are people whose goal is to scab from the state, but honestly it is not a life I'd chose. Let me provide some realities. Aside from the obvious, there's only so much Jeremy Kyle that one person can watch without actually feeling their brain start to dribble out of their ears, there are major disadvantages to being on benefits.
1. You must provide your personal details in order to get help
Of course, I understand that the government - if they are going to give you assistance - are entitled to know that you actually deserve it. Take the form for Income Support for example, you have to give any benefits you are receiving, you provide details about yourself, your child(ren), any savings, any debts... the list goes on. To fill in those forms, which take forever, is soul destroying. I hope that I never ever have to do it again.
2. You don't have enough to have a good quality of life, you are given only enough to get by.
Now, I understand the reaction that most tax payers (bearing in mind I paid tax too, working from the age of 16) will have, why should you have any kind of treats if you don't work hard for them. I agree - for the most part. However, it has been eight years since I have had a holiday. Every single pair of shoes, or pair of jeans has to be essential because if I buy something like that then something else has to give way. I need to justify it. I have only been on income support for two years, whilst I've been studying, and I can assure you that I can't even afford to get my son Christmas presents without incurring a debt on my credit card. It is now June and I still haven't fully covered my debt because other things have been needed. To be fair, I'm good with my money and when I need to I can seriously cut-back in order to get myself on track.
3. If something collapses, everything else could fall down, just like dominoes.
So, I live in a small two-bedroom flat, exactly according to the rules that NIHE (Housing Benefit) dictates. I have no furniture to my name except a TV and my son's bed! It's just me and my little boy here - no one else lives in my house. However, recently some callous piece-of-work decided to tell the Jobs & Benefits Office that I was living here with someone else!!!! They rang me and asked if I had anyone else living here - I said no. They asked that question, three different ways. Of course, each time the answer was no. Then I was sent the long form to fill in again, even though I'd done nothing wrong. I was so worried they'd stop my benefits and I'd begin incurring debts - it had me panicking for weeks. They never even had the courtesy to send me a notification to say that the 'Fraud Investigation Department' (the dept. I'd had to send the form to) had investigated and found nothing. There was no apology for wrongful suspicion. No confirmation that my benefits were not going to be stopped. As the money was not stopped and clearly they had nothing to investigate, I should just be grateful that nothing negative occurred however, the worry was horrible. This is what living dependent on the state is like. If they decided to stop paying you, for any reason - your in the creek.
4. Lack of financial autonomy or security.
You can't do overtime when you need something, if you wanted anything out of the ordinary - you'd have to apply for a Budgeting Loan or Crisis Loan, which has to be paid back by monthly installments from your allowance. Of course, as your allowance is only enough to live on, this isn't really an option unless it's completely necessary. If an unexpected expense (or even an expected one sometimes) crops up, you are really not in a position to deal with it, and there's very little you can do in the short-term to help your situation.
5. The longer it goes on, the harder is seems to get a job
I'll do what I call the 'Benefits/Job Trap' in more detail in another post. Suffice to say though, that when you have a job it's easier to get another. When you don't have a job - sometimes it seems like no matter what you do, you can't seem to find something that'll work - especially in the current economic climate, with fewer options. This will be explored more later.
6. Strips you of self worth
In a continuation of all of the above, being on benefits has certainly left me lacking in confidence and feeling useless. Sometimes I want to scream, I want to say 'I didn't just sit in front of the TV for years - I've been furthering my skills - I chose to study subjects I didn't necessarily like but thought would be relevant - I have worked really hard, juggling looking after a young child, and moving house and relationship breakdown and still kept studying and you beggars aren't crying out for someone like me to work for your company?! Doesn't this prove I'm driven? Doesn't this prove I will try and try and not give up? Doesn't this show I'm not adverse to further training? How come I am not the kind of person that employers want?! I know this sounds like a moan. It probably is a moan!
It's not that I think that people who are not earning and out working hard should get a silver spoon, or a bunch of treats. I suppose I'm writing this to give the other side of the story. Programmes like Benefit's Street and the likes, show the worst kind of person who relies on benefits. Of course those people are indeed out there and exploiting the system. The majority of people however would rather not be in this predicament. I, would not like to be in this predicament anymore.
So... on with the job hunting.
Sunday 8 June 2014
By end of 2013: Fast forwarding a little more
By the end of 2013,
Had Leo enrolled in School, they couldn't let him in the nursery, not enough places they said, so he had almost a year off!
Money was more or less sorted with the Jobs and Benefits Office.
Life is busy but settling down.
Courses completed:- As you can see, the courses in Financial and Management accounting are my worst marks ever. I really stuffed up the exams by being too nervous and panicing in those. As you can see, the exam marks are substantially lower than the assignment ones, I am a lot better at doing the financial stuff practically. Didn't fix my disappointment in my performance though. :(
Had Leo enrolled in School, they couldn't let him in the nursery, not enough places they said, so he had almost a year off!
Money was more or less sorted with the Jobs and Benefits Office.
Life is busy but settling down.
Courses completed:- As you can see, the courses in Financial and Management accounting are my worst marks ever. I really stuffed up the exams by being too nervous and panicing in those. As you can see, the exam marks are substantially lower than the assignment ones, I am a lot better at doing the financial stuff practically. Didn't fix my disappointment in my performance though. :(
- Course Scores.DD121 An intro to the social sciences: understanding social change part 1Start: 3 May 2008 Level: 1 Credits: 30Overall module result - PassOverall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :82Overall assessment score (OAS) :82DB123 You and your money: personal finance in contextStart: 3 May 2008 Level: 1 Credits: 30Overall module result - PassOverall examinable score (OES) :75Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :74
DD202 Economics and economic changeStart: 7 February 2009 Level: 2 Credits: 60Overall module result - Grade 3 PassOverall examinable score (OES) :55Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :83DD309 Doing economics: people, markets and policyStart: 30 January 2010 Level: 3 Credits: 60Overall module result - Grade 2 PassOverall examinable score (OES) :66Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :77A210 Approaching literatureStart: 2 October 2010 Level: 2 Credits: 60Overall module result - Grade 2 PassOverall examinable score (OES) :69Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :83AA316 The nineteenth-century novelLevel: 3 Credits: 60Overall module result - DistinctionOverall examinable score (OES) :81Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :82B190 Introduction to bookkeeping and accountingStart: 1 October 2012 Level: 1 Credits: 10Overall module result - PassOverall examinable score (OES) :98B291 Financial accountingStart: 1 November 2012 Level: 2 Credits: 30Overall module result - Grade 4 PassOverall examinable score (OES) :53Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :
90AssessmentAssignmentScoreCMA 4190CMA 4289CMA 4389TMA 0191TMA 0290B292 Management accountingStart: 1 May 2013 Level: 2 Credits: 30Overall module result - Grade 4 PassOverall examinable score (OES) :45Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS) :
92AssessmentAssignmentScoreCMA 4190CMA 4280CMA 4380TMA 0196TMA 0293
Fast forward to 2012.
Okay, so fast forwarding to 2012. Don't get me wrong, the following may seem like a pity post however it is only for historical purposes. In the summer of this year me and my son's dad split up. (He cheated, git!) Anyway, I decided to move back to Northern Ireland from England to be closer to my parents and finally moved in Dec of 2012. The decision to move was taken in November. By December 2012 I had found a flat, with next to no money (only enough for the deposit, one month's rent and the admin fees). I also owed my Dad for the moving expenses, although because my dad is truly excellent he gave me a long-term pay-me-when-you-can loan. Thank heaven for dads!.
At this point I considered giving up the Level 3 English Literature course, (I was halfway through the degree at this point) that I was doing with the OU, because I was just too stressed. I'd just got a little two-bedroom flat, but there were no tax credits, and they wouldn't award me Income Support or JSA for a person with caring responsibilities (ie single mother to use real language) because my son's Child Benefit had been being paid to my ex - the claim was in his name. They said I had to change this over into my name before I could receive it. Very skint at this point. Endeavouring to sort this out, I rang Child Benefit Helpline, they advised that it could take 12 weeks to process this claim. TWELVE WEEKS without any money?
Now I know that people who live on benefits get a hard time in the media, so let me just clarify a few truths. I may be a single mum now and may be on benefits, but it wasn't my choice to end up single, living on my own with a four year old. I wanted to give my son a stable loving environment and couldn't just leave him, after his family had disintegrated, to go to work from 9-5. Wouldn't that feel like double abandonment. Also, although having my son came a surprise, I wanted to care for him. I wanted him to feel loved, even if I hadn't planned on being a mum at all previously. Things in life change your outlook, you know? Also I was finishing my studies, I was going to plough on with the course, in fact studying came as a welcome distraction within the chaos and worry. So I planned on, staying home until the course was finished and to settle my son into life in a new place. This meant I had to rely on Income Support. From the age of 16, (and just to mention I stayed in school until I was 18 years old to get A-Levels), I have worked. Crappy summer job in a place called Party Land, then student job in Woolworths, then a short-stint in Play Resource, then another short time as a Waitress before getting office Junior job (at 20) in a law search office and a promotion to office manager after that. So I have paid tax. I have paid into the system.
After many many telephone calls, I eventually vowed to go to the local MP for help, this was Naomi Long of the Alliance party, (the one who got a lot of bad press along with others of her party for their stance on the 'flag' issue) with moving this claim on a bit. It was pretty dire, I wouldn't be able to afford the next months rent, or food or anything, and would have to live off my credit card if this claim didn't get sorted out.
I don't know what she did, or didn't do. She said she'd make some phone calls and see how she could move the process along, but thankfully it only took around four weeks to get the notification through of the Child Benefit claim change. This got the ball rolling for everything else, and after many more phone calls, (Tax Credit helpline, Housing Benefit office (NIHE), Child Benefit and Jobs and Benefits Office) - yes it takes you to be in contact with all of these departments individually - we finally had the ball rolling, and to my delight they agreed to back date the payments I'd missed for the first couple of months.
(Warning: Pity part)
Some people may be judgmental but I'll just explain that all of this was incredibly hard. My life had gone down the tubes, I was relying on benefits, my son was now being brought up in a single-parent family - which I never wanted for him, I had had no money, I was worried I wasn't going to get the support I needed, I'd had to move house from England, changing my whole life upside down and was dealing with the guilt of our family breakdown and it's effect on my young son. At this point, it was only the thought of my son that kept me getting up in the morning and persevering. I include this because, I want to make it clear that you can have things going for you, and a couple of bad decisions (which are only bad with the benefit of hindsight, by the way), some bad luck and the next minute you can find yourself almost homeless and in a panic. We all are, to to varying extents, standing on the top of a house of cards - just a couple of knocks and your life can easily come crashing down around you.
(Pity part over now)
Things began to look up.
At this point I considered giving up the Level 3 English Literature course, (I was halfway through the degree at this point) that I was doing with the OU, because I was just too stressed. I'd just got a little two-bedroom flat, but there were no tax credits, and they wouldn't award me Income Support or JSA for a person with caring responsibilities (ie single mother to use real language) because my son's Child Benefit had been being paid to my ex - the claim was in his name. They said I had to change this over into my name before I could receive it. Very skint at this point. Endeavouring to sort this out, I rang Child Benefit Helpline, they advised that it could take 12 weeks to process this claim. TWELVE WEEKS without any money?
Now I know that people who live on benefits get a hard time in the media, so let me just clarify a few truths. I may be a single mum now and may be on benefits, but it wasn't my choice to end up single, living on my own with a four year old. I wanted to give my son a stable loving environment and couldn't just leave him, after his family had disintegrated, to go to work from 9-5. Wouldn't that feel like double abandonment. Also, although having my son came a surprise, I wanted to care for him. I wanted him to feel loved, even if I hadn't planned on being a mum at all previously. Things in life change your outlook, you know? Also I was finishing my studies, I was going to plough on with the course, in fact studying came as a welcome distraction within the chaos and worry. So I planned on, staying home until the course was finished and to settle my son into life in a new place. This meant I had to rely on Income Support. From the age of 16, (and just to mention I stayed in school until I was 18 years old to get A-Levels), I have worked. Crappy summer job in a place called Party Land, then student job in Woolworths, then a short-stint in Play Resource, then another short time as a Waitress before getting office Junior job (at 20) in a law search office and a promotion to office manager after that. So I have paid tax. I have paid into the system.
After many many telephone calls, I eventually vowed to go to the local MP for help, this was Naomi Long of the Alliance party, (the one who got a lot of bad press along with others of her party for their stance on the 'flag' issue) with moving this claim on a bit. It was pretty dire, I wouldn't be able to afford the next months rent, or food or anything, and would have to live off my credit card if this claim didn't get sorted out.
I don't know what she did, or didn't do. She said she'd make some phone calls and see how she could move the process along, but thankfully it only took around four weeks to get the notification through of the Child Benefit claim change. This got the ball rolling for everything else, and after many more phone calls, (Tax Credit helpline, Housing Benefit office (NIHE), Child Benefit and Jobs and Benefits Office) - yes it takes you to be in contact with all of these departments individually - we finally had the ball rolling, and to my delight they agreed to back date the payments I'd missed for the first couple of months.
(Warning: Pity part)
Some people may be judgmental but I'll just explain that all of this was incredibly hard. My life had gone down the tubes, I was relying on benefits, my son was now being brought up in a single-parent family - which I never wanted for him, I had had no money, I was worried I wasn't going to get the support I needed, I'd had to move house from England, changing my whole life upside down and was dealing with the guilt of our family breakdown and it's effect on my young son. At this point, it was only the thought of my son that kept me getting up in the morning and persevering. I include this because, I want to make it clear that you can have things going for you, and a couple of bad decisions (which are only bad with the benefit of hindsight, by the way), some bad luck and the next minute you can find yourself almost homeless and in a panic. We all are, to to varying extents, standing on the top of a house of cards - just a couple of knocks and your life can easily come crashing down around you.
(Pity part over now)
Things began to look up.
A bit of history.
Just to take it back a notch...
So it's March 2008, I'm 24, I've just had a baby, who came along by fantastic unplanned surprise :) (born in Oct 2007). My days are filled with nappies, baby poop, sick, endless bottles and a crazy scream that couldn't be mimicked by a banshee. Nice. I decide to add a whole heap of stress to my life by taking on a degree (finally after quitting conventional Uni two times when I was 18 & 19). So I sign up to the OU and find out that they can offer funding for HE. Excellent. I apply for funding and take on my first course which is Introduction to Social Sciences.
So it's March 2008, I'm 24, I've just had a baby, who came along by fantastic unplanned surprise :) (born in Oct 2007). My days are filled with nappies, baby poop, sick, endless bottles and a crazy scream that couldn't be mimicked by a banshee. Nice. I decide to add a whole heap of stress to my life by taking on a degree (finally after quitting conventional Uni two times when I was 18 & 19). So I sign up to the OU and find out that they can offer funding for HE. Excellent. I apply for funding and take on my first course which is Introduction to Social Sciences.
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